I miss the excitement of dating…
Posted by Dr. Maneater1
Written July 30, 2009
“I’m starting to feel I need drama in my relationship…” – figuring out why we think we need drama to feel loved and wanted in relationships.
I think that you wanting to see him incredibly angry or incredibly sad or incredibly happy is truly a sign that your past relationships were dramatic.
There was either turmoil or passion and rarely anything in between. That being said…it is only natural that you would be inclined to “want” and even need the strong interactions and feelings to happen between you and your current boyfriend because they would indicate many things for you…particularly that you are important to him and that he wants you.
Just because your current boyfriend doesn’t get wild-eyed and loud about how much he loves his profession or loves you doesn’t mean that he doesn’t love his profession or you any less.
Consider how you felt when you interacted with your semi-rebound and your Ex. Would you say that those interactions were usually balanced or one-sided with one person controlling the interaction? Did those interactions make you feel confident about yourself OR question yourself? Did those men make your everyday needs and concerns a priority? (notice I said ‘everyday’ – not ‘once in a while’ needs.) Who was pulling the majority of the weight in making those relationships positive?
What I am suggesting is that you have become accustomed to being in relationships that resemble battlefields. The battles being fought are essentially “which person is lucky to be dating the other?” One person is usually trying to prove the other person can’t be happy without them and therefore NEEDS them. These battles are manifested in arguments and sarcasm. “Winning” arguments and/or pointing out how their partner would be insignificant (AKA a loser) if they were not with them is what determines if a battle is considered victorious or not.
“Oh you can’t drive anywhere the right way. Thank God you have me to help you get around.”
OR
“You are so moody….No one else could ever put up with you like I do.”
Do you see what I mean about proving the fake value they bring into relationships? It all comes down to this:
If the men in our past had low self-images they needed to regulate our self-image and make sure we didn’t realize how badly they needed us by making us feel as if we were lucky to be with them because we needed them.
Your current boyfriend is the first guy who doesn’t have to manipulate you to make you stay with him. He loves you for who you are and what you love. For the first time in your dating life you really don’t have to be on your toes the whole time wondering when the next cold shoulder or drama-fest will be. For the first time you are actually in a relationship with a fairly balanced guy.
If we ever say, “I don’t want balance!” Then we know where to start working…on ourselves.
I think that you can in fact imagine how your current boyfriend will act when something bad happens in his life…he will be himself- the person you have been with for 6 months. Think about that! Really! He won’t be reckless with his life or your life like those other boys… he probably won’t threaten to kill himself or quit his job or (and this is important to say out loud) he probably wouldn’t cheat on you or leave you just because something bad happened in his life. I mean- think about it. You don’t have to be in angst about how to keep him interested and more than that – keep him in love with you.
I’m not saying you won’t have to make the everyday effort to keep your relationship healthy. I am saying imagine what your relationship will become when you can concentrate on moving ahead with genuine support and not battling to prove who needs who more.
Another thing- things happen in our life because there are lessons we need to learn about ourselves. You never know if your current boyfriend grew up in situations that taught him to remain calm despite what’s going on around him. Maybe he learned some things we don’t know about yet. You never know 
besides- if he had been through the stuff we have he might be just as defensive and quick to cut out as us! We need his and others’ balance because everyone can be Rash sometimes!!! hahahahaha seriously though!
In the middle of my divorce my ex-partner says on facebook to my brother….Winter at 7:56am
Posted by Dr. Maneater1
In the middle of a divorce my ex-partner says on facebook….Winter at 7:56am
“Hey you look great! Hope you are well. You’re almost there and (“School Cheer”)!”
What I will write if he won’t stop “talking” to my brother:
Do you even know what my brother is doing right now as you are doing whatever the hell it is you are wasting your time on? NO. You don’t. By the way, telling my brother (who looks up to you for some reason) that you hope he is well and that he is almost “there” doesn’t count as a fucking letter. You don’t even know where “there” is much less where he is right now trying to get “there”.
“That School Cheer” is also extremely inappropriate. He hasn’t been able to watch the games…duh you fucking idiot. All he has felt is disconnected since the Spring and your stupid fucking insensitive “School Cheer” is selfish and inconsiderate. Don’t talk to my brother anymore. He doesn’t need your pathetic influence. I refuse to help you have any bearing on his life from now on. You never measured up anyway. Oh, and my attorney thinks your attorney is an idiot. Most of all- FUCK YOU. I am happy you are not my husband. I never called you my husband because it made me sick to my stomach. You’re so thankful for a caring family? You never had one you could call your own because you never made the effort to have one.
Bottom Line: When shit starts involving your family it hurts more than shit simply involving yourself so protect your family…. Because when it comes down to “drawing the line” your family is yours. His family is his and her family is hers and both sides should do what it takes to protect the ones that have been there before the other was there.
Gosh Tonight- I’m feeling the truth about stuff! Reader imagine you are me…. or maybe you are me.
Posted by Dr. Maneater1
Written August 2009
Gosh Tonight- I’m feeling the truth about stuff!
Reader imagine you are me (divorced and working on your computer)
So I was going to email/message this shit to him. ugh. I haven’t wanted to do this for like – well- months. He probably doesn’t think about me but if he does I don’t know it- and honestly don’t want to know about it! I got enough emotional crap to deal with! So here it is- this is what I would say if I had more – ummm- *time
I don’t even know why I even looked you up on here. I’m still so sad about us but I wish I would have done things differently to make it work. But I know it wouldn’t have mattered. It really wouldn’t have mattered.
I love you still- I always loved you.
I went to Cafe Venice for a lunch meeting last week with a client- Mr. HD- but he was nice and all I could do was stare at the table you proposed to me at…
I’ll never forget that. Thank you for doing that for me. You made a dream come true for me when you did that.
I know now that I needed to grow up a little bit.
You remember looking at each other and knowing the other was a kid? We fell in love with that kid and we knew they would be able to bring us back to that place we understood. What is your life like now? Do you know that I still think about you? Do you care that I do? Do you know how proud I am that you were mine? Were you proud that I was yours? Do you still hate that I love Anita Baker? hahahhahaha
Do you remember buying those 2 Sade cds for your sister’s wedding and we liked those cds sooooo much! I’m listening to one of them now. I had the best time that vacation. That was the last vacation (time) we had together without the stress of life.
I know I can still breathe everyday because I know you breathe everyday.
I’m sorry for how I hurt you. I swear it’s true. Sometimes I close my eyes and imagine you are there telling me everything is okay.
….even though it never was. we shouldn’t have been together but I was such a good liar I take the blame. I wanted it to work because I was afraid it would never work with anyone so it is my fault.
You were distant which I took as you being an ass. What should I have done to help you tell me what you needed from me to be the man I know you are?
I feel like a serious ‘fail’ because I couldn’t help you when you needed it. It tells me, this cop-out, ….”I wasn’t cut-out to be a wife.” I was cut-out to be a friend and furthermore a girlfriend plus plus plus!
I am not sad. I am thankful. I really am thankful for our lives…but sad about the thing we had to deal with…our relationship. Would I take it back?
No Way. No how. It made us who are.
When you gain weight….
Posted by Dr. Maneater1
When you gain weight – they don’t want to have sex….
It’s the truth. Men are physical and if you’re not attracting them with your physique you’re not attracting them in the optimal way.
Is Twilight ruining my relationship?
Posted by Dr. Maneater1
Dear Maneaters:
This may sound crazy but since I have been reading the Twilight series I am wondering if I should break up with my boyfriend. Twilight has this incredible romantic passion that I want to relate to. That’s why I like it. My boyfriend is wonderful – but I feel like the excitement we have could be better. Is Twilight ruining my relationship or is it helping me realize I need to find a new boyfriend?
Response from Dr. Maneater1:
There is a reason that people around the globe are infatuated with this series and I feel it is fair to say that you are not alone questioning your relationship’s passion levels. I would encourage you to really think about the concept of the Twilight novels. What is it in those books that you could incorporate into your life and your relationship? What is it about the main characters that you would like to see in yourself and in your boyfriend? Instead of saying that a novel is “just a novel” let’s consider the novel and pull out what makes the novel so appealing to us. Once you can put down on paper what it is that you receive from reading the novel you can break it down into what it is you are ultimately longing for. Once you realize what you are longing for you can then figure out how to receive it from your boyfriend – in the real world. So…whatever it is that you are receiving from the book you can also receive in your real life. You just have to discover what it is.
If all else fails… find a loving vampire and see how it works out. I mean, Hey. You’d just have to quit your day job to be together and sleeping in a coffin with your vampire love could be sexy… or just creepy enough to run back to your boyfriend and beg him to be in a “normal” relationship again.
Do women hold men back?
Posted by Dr. Maneater2
My grandfather once said
“For every good man there is a woman trying to hold him back.”
A little bit of background: This was coming from a man that knocked up my Grandmother 10 times. She wasn’t spraying her seed – he had full control of THAT situation. She just laid back and took it. Well grandpa, I personally think you were very insecure. Even good men are insecure and afraid – and blame their failures on the woman who stand by their side. She isn’t there holding you back –she’s there to hold your hand. For every good woman there is a man weighing her down from shinning like the mother, executive, friend, amazing person she’s suppose to be. Why is this? Because we were born to be the caretakers ladies– the mothers, the nurturers. Born to continue life. When women step outside of that role in ways men don’t understand they get scared and want to hold us back – insecurity. If we aren’t there wiping their ass like we’ve done from birth whose going to do it for them?
Stand up; realize your worth and your strength. Don’t EVER let someone else’s insecurity hold you back.
Relationship Advice: Try it before you buy it
Posted by Dr. Maneater2
I married at an age to most people is too young. Young, in love, catholic and had been with only one man. Yes that’s right folks, I had not had sex with any other man except for my husband when we married. Very much in love, we had our share of large problems – sort of cursed from the beginning. Now several years after our relationship demise I had to re-teach myself to date and what’s even scarier – in an age where people normally sleep with one another by the second or third date. I felt as if I was a virgin all over again. I had to push my old beliefs and rules aside. They didn’t help me choose an appropriate mate the first time, now it was time to try something different. Actually having sex with someone else and not expecting to walk down the aisle with that person. I needed to figure out me – no reason not to have fun while embarking on that journey.
I learned quickly that what I had been doing in my past relationship didn’t include anything I LIKED sexually. I now opened the door to a sexual freedom I had never known and I’m absolutely loving it. Each new lover, I learned something new about myself, what I liked, what turned me on. After several partners, currently one seems to have stuck. I haven’t gotten tired or bored of him and as far as I know, he hasn’t gotten bored or tired of me.
As I sip my morning tea I can’t seem to stop thinking about him. Careful ladies I know your all holding back your gag reflex, but it’s been a long time since I’ve felt this way and had forgotten so quickly what it felt like. The constant ridiculous grin plastered to my face…every time I think of him. Monday morning and I should be focussing on work and doing something productive – but all I can think about is the incredibly fabulous sex I had last night. We hadn’t seen one another in about a week. We started the evening with casual conversation and sipped wine on my bed in front of the breezy open large windows in my bedroom. All I could think about was how badly I wanted to tear his clothes off. After laughing and finishing a few small glasses of wine we started kissing. As one thing moves to another its as if something kicked into high gear. Clothes came off and he actually ripped my panties off. I’ve been having sex with this man for about 5 months – so to think that he still wants me …that much! Such a turn on. So I’ll spare you the other details other then this……I’m not an orgasmic freak. With this man its normally twice during sex. Which is pleasing enough for me by far. After number 2 he sat up and stopped. Confused I sat up and kissing him said “What’s wrong, everything okay?” He looked at me with questioning eyes “Can you go again?” “I’ve gone twice!?..I’m good I mean …I guess I could?” With the most devilish smirk I think I’ve ever seen he pushed me back down on the bed and proceeded to make number 3 happen. After months the passion is still hotter then ever. I often still can’t believe it. I think about the relationship and sex I had with my ex husband and how far I’ve come (literally he he he) The easiest way for me to describe this would be…. a dog mounting a bitch, finishing and getting off. Never facing one another – always from behind.
To see the face of the man I’m with now in that moment of extreme pleasure, BOY what a difference that makes. To think the sex I had with my ex husband was what I thought it was going to be like for the rest of my life…..oh I didn’t know anything. Don’t get me wrong – sometimes it was good – but the sex I have now is phenomenal. I can’t imagine ever going back, eyes shut and not experiencing the sexual freedom I do now. So in my faith’s eyes I’m a horrible sinner – but the words of a friend’s mother from high school whisper quietly in my thoughts. “Try on lots of shoes before you buy a pair.” If I had only listened…..God was she right.
Relationship advice: Fixing women who guilt trip men
Posted by Dr. Maneater2
Dr. ManEater 2 here!
Why do we guilt trip our men when they don’t do what we want…..do you really think this tactic works?
“I would ask you to go to _______ with me, but you don’t want to hang out with me anyway so what does it matter.”
“Yeah sure you’ll call me, your just like all the rest, you won’t really call.”
HOW incredibly unattractive ladies! Guess what. I wouldn’t want to hang out with someone who has that attitude either. I’ve done it before myself in the past – so I know why we say it – BUT it very much rubs someone the wrong way. Next time a man isn’t showing initiative or being responsive to going to do an activity with you. Try these two things instead and see what your response is.
Confront him: I really want you to come with me to _____, but I feel you aren’t interested. Am I correct? And if so- Why?
Drop it. Why hang out with someone who clearly doesn’t want to hang out with you? No reason to be mean or bitchy – just be very clear. You are important and you need to ooze in confidence. If he doesn’t want to include himself – fine. He’d drag you down if he ended up escorting you somewhere out of guilt. This is when I tend to invite another male’s name in that I’m friends with –attractive and straight is key. “ So you’re not up to going? That’s cool, I’ll see if Rob will go with me.” Innocence and a very nonchalant attitude are important. This needs to be subtle. IF you sound like you’re up to something or TRYING to make your man jealous you’ve ended up back where you started. Looking unattractive and not in control of the situation.
You don’t want your man thinking you’ll be whoring it up with someone else – but you DO want him thinking your having an awesome time without him – and that your personality has a magnetism like no one else. He’ll demand your time because your so much fun – hence make your man desire and want your time no matter what the two of you may be doing.
Hello soon to be ManEaters
Posted by Posting Opinions Even if we shoudn't
The Man Eaters have only just begun – soon we’ll have the site up and running – so send us your comments on your daily love life, from one normal female to another.